you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
