He felt like a one man threesome
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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