So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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