Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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