I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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