Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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