Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
