Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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