FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
