Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
