his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
