Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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