Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
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i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
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pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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