Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
