You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
