I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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