I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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