Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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