So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
