Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Randomize
