my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
