By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
