he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
