Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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