His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
