How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
