and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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