That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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