oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
