ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
