you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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