She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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