you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
