i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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