The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Randomize
