I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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