Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
PANTIES FOUND
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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