I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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