My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
