We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need moral support for this bender
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
