got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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