I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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