it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
