I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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