My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
