She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
