During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
