Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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