Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize