Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
