i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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