I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
