why didn't you poke me back
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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