3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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