It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
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once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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