ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
