Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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