I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i now understand why vodka
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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