I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
