My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
