Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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