just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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