This is not my ceiling
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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