Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
