And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
