Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
