I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
