You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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