I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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