Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize