I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
