Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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