K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
