I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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