I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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