we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
