it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
