Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize