is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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