but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
