Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
