My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
