I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
