i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
